In Kenya, The Children’s Act section (27) sub-section (1) states that No person shall subject a child to arbitrary or unlawful interference with his or her privacy, family or private affairs, or correspondence, or to attacks upon his or her honour or reputation.
Teenagers are learning to navigate life more independently and may not be as attached to their parents as before. In fact, it is in these formative adolescent years when parents and teens lock heads. Rules are there to be broken. Their peer circle is established and expanding. They are exploring new environments and experimenting with different substances and running with different crowds, some of which may be unpalatable or downright lethal. Time out and grounding them does not work anymore.
Encouraging your teen to have friends over and giving them space in your home can help you get to know your child’s friends. This also gives you the chance to check on whether negative peer pressure and influence is an issue for your teen.
Good communication and a positive relationship with your teen might also encourage your teen to talk to you if they’re feeling negative influence from peers.
If you’re worried your teen’s friends are a negative influence, being critical of them might push your teen into seeing them behind your back. If your teen thinks you don’t approve of their friends, they might even want to see more of them. So it’s important to talk and listen without judging, and gently help your teen see the influence their peers are having.
This might mean talking with your teen about behaviour you don’t like rather than the people you don’t like. For example, you might say, ‘When you’re with your friends, you often get into fights’. This can be better than saying, ‘You need to find new friends’.
It can help to compromise with your teen. For example, letting your teen wear certain clothes or have their hair cut in a particular way can help them feel connected to their peers, even if you’re not keen on blue hair or ripped jeans. Letting your teen have some independence can reduce the chance of more risky choices.
If they have proven they can be trusted, then affirm good behaviour. Taking their phones or diaries and snooping in their room does not establish respect for personal space.